Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Screwed.edu
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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