She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
