did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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