am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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