She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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