this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
