I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
