Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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