I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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