I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
