I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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