So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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