If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
