the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
