No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
