went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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