Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
