$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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