bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
