I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
