It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Randomize