After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
