im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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