I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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