I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
