I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My vagina is officially offended.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
