I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
