You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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