Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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