Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
