he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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