I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
