I love black thongs
one might say we're banned from that church
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize