Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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