My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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