mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
