I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
