i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
vagina is talking i cant
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
