so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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