how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
