The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
