I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
