im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
