Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
