whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
