he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
