you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
