dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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