I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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