just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
