i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize