is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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