I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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