upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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