I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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