At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
