Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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