Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
