Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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