i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
