I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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