Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
