The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
