i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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