Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize