Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
